How to Pick Groomsmen (A Bro's Decision Guide)
Picking the right wedding party members is a key part of the wedding planning process. These individuals will stand beside you as you exchange vows, and their presence will make your day even more memorable.
Understanding how to choose how many groomsmen you want and who to include will help ensure you have the perfect crew by your side.
In this detailed guide, we’ll walk you through the process, highlighting key considerations to help you create a groomsmen lineup that’s perfect for your wedding.
11 Key Considerations When Choosing Groomsmen For Your Wedding
Selecting the right groomsmen is an important decision that can enhance your wedding experience, and here are 11 key factors to help you make the best choice.
1. Determine the Size of Your Wedding Party
The first thing to think about when selecting your groomsmen is the size of your wedding party. The number of groomsmen you choose will largely depend on the scale of your wedding, the number of guests, and the venue.
A larger wedding with over 150 guests might support a huge wedding party, with up to 10 or 12 groomsmen. On the other hand, a smaller, more intimate wedding with around 50 to 60 guests may be better suited for a smaller group, such as 3 or 4 groomsmen.
A general rule of thumb is to have one groomsman for every 50 guests, but this is not a hard and fast rule. Ultimately, what feels right for you and your partner should take precedence. Discussing your wedding party size early in the planning process will help ensure that you’re both on the same page.
2. Identify Key Relationships
Focus on key relationships in your life when selecting groomsmen. Consider your closest friends, siblings, and supportive relatives who have significantly impacted your life. These individuals have stood by you through thick and thin and will continue to do so on your wedding.
Mutual friends with your partner can help bridge the gap between both families and create a more unified atmosphere. Avoid feeling obligated to include someone due to a past friendship; prioritize those who are currently close friends and reliable.
Reliability is key when choosing groomsmen. Select those who can fulfill their responsibilities leading up to and on the wedding day.
3. Consider Family Members First
Family members often play a meaningful role in weddings, and including them as groomsmen can deepen the emotional significance of the day. Brothers or close cousins are natural choices, as their presence strengthens family ties.
If you have multiple brothers, consider making agreements on who will serve in different weddings to ensure everyone feels included and honored.
Don't hesitate to think outside the box by including non-traditional choices, like having your brother as a groomsman. This not only highlights the importance of all siblings but also fosters a closer family bond.
Including both male and female relatives in your wedding party can avoid any potential feelings of exclusion and make the celebration more inclusive.
Additionally, incorporating family members from your partner’s side, such as the bride’s brothers or other close male relatives, helps blend the two families.
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4. Evaluate Friendships
Your closest friends are natural choices for groomsmen, as these are the individuals who have consistently supported you through life’s challenges.
Focus on those who have maintained a close relationship recently rather than feeling obligated to include someone from the past who hasn’t stayed in touch.
Prioritizing current relationships over past connections ensures your groomsmen are those you feel a strong immediate connection with.
This will create a meaningful representation of your journey and ensure your wedding party consists of friends who truly matter.
Incorporating friends from different phases of your life can add depth to your wedding party, reflecting the various stages and experiences you’ve shared.
5. Think About Group Dynamics
Group dynamic matters; choose wisely. Ensuring your groomsmen get along well can significantly enhance the overall wedding experience. Choose friends who can work together harmoniously, especially when preparing for events like the bachelor party.
Avoid conflicts by choosing friends who get along and can work together smoothly. Selecting friends from a single social circle to maintain harmony is perfectly acceptable.
This can prevent feelings of exclusion or overshadowing, leading to a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
Reflecting on interpersonal dynamics helps in selecting reliable and supportive groomsmen. A balanced and harmonious group will not only support you but also ensure that the wedding planning and the day itself go off without a hitch.
6. Balance Financial Considerations
Financial considerations are an important factor when choosing your groomsmen. Suit costs can vary depending on whether the groom covers the expenses, shares them, or asks the groomsmen to pay for their own attire.
It's essential to communicate these budget expectations early to avoid misunderstandings.
In addition to attire, other costs, such as travel, accommodation, and pre-wedding events like the bachelor party, should also be considered. Being transparent about these expenses can prevent putting undue financial strain on your groomsmen.
If any friends are facing financial difficulties, consider offering them alternative roles, such as distributing programs, acting as ushers, or taking on responsibilities like giving toasts or reading during the ceremony.
This way, they can still be involved in the wedding without the pressure of covering significant costs, ensuring everyone feels included and appreciated.
7. Embrace Non-Traditional Choices
There are no rigid rules about who should be part of your wedding party, so feel free to make non-traditional choices. Anyone who has been an important figure in your life can be included, regardless of gender.
A best friend who happens to be female or just your sister can be a wonderful addition, adding emotional significance and reflecting the importance of all your closest relationships.
It’s perfectly fine to have groomswomen or a best lady if they’ve played a pivotal role in your journey. Including a sister as a groomswoman, for instance, can deepen family connections and add meaning to the day.
Likewise, don’t shy away from asking the bride’s brothers to stand with you, even if you aren't particularly close, as it can help bridge family ties.
You can also include friends of your fiancé or other key people who have been significant in your life, rather than sticking to conventional roles.
The most important thing is to focus on those who matter to you, who have supported you, and who will enhance the joy of your wedding day by being part of this momentous occasion.
8. Plan the Formal Groomsmen Proposal
Making a formal groomsmen proposal request to your chosen groomsmen is a significant step in the wedding planning process. Asking in person is the most personal way and often encourages a positive response. If you can’t meet in person, a phone call is a suitable alternative.
Before sending out the save-the-dates, consult with your groomsmen. Do this no later than six months before the wedding. Consider creative ways to make the request memorable.
Gift boxes tailored to your groomsmen, custom cufflinks, or humorous groomsmen proposal cards featuring inside jokes can add a personal touch.
9. Responsibilities and Expectations
Groomsmen have several responsibilities and expectations, starting with providing emotional support to the groom throughout the wedding day. They share the responsibility of planning the bachelor party with the best man and the groom’s party.
During the wedding planning process, groomsmen can serve as point people for vendors and help relieve stress by managing various duties.
On the wedding day, they should arrive early to assist with last-minute preparations and support the groom.
Groomsmen are often tasked with ushering guests and assisting with seating during the ceremony. During the reception, they help serve as information points for guests and assist in managing events.
Promptly returning rented formalwear is another important task they need to complete.
10. Groomsmen Attire Coordination
Coordinating your groomsmen’s attire is key to maintaining a consistent and stylish look that aligns with your wedding theme.
It's typically the responsibility of the groomsmen to organize their formal attire, including fittings and when they should rent or purchase a tux.
To help ease the financial burden, you might consider gifting accessories such as ties, suspenders, or cufflinks. If a groomsman is experiencing financial difficulties, it’s important to have an open conversation and explore alternative roles for them.
Groomsmen Attire Gifts:
11. Express Gratitude
Expressing gratitude to your groomsmen is essential, as they play a big part in making your wedding day special. When asking them to be groomsmen, consider giving a thoughtful gift, such as a groomsmen cigar gift, a customized groomsmen beer mug, or even a small gesture like a heartfelt note.
These groomsmen gifts can double as a way to thank them both before and after the wedding.
After the wedding, it’s important to thank them for their support. Whether it’s through simple gestures or more elaborate gifts, show your appreciation with something meaningful, such as personalized items, memorable experiences, or keepsakes they'll cherish.
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FAQs
1. Do Groomsmen Need to Have Equal Responsibilities?
Not all groomsmen need to have the same responsibilities. You can assign different tasks based on their strengths and availability, such as planning events, coming up with bachelor party ideas, or simply being there for support.
2. Should I Ask Someone to Be a Groomsman if I Was in Their Wedding?
While it may feel like a reciprocal gesture, you’re not obligated to choose someone just because you were at their wedding. Focus on selecting individuals who are closest to you and can actively support you during your wedding journey.
3. When Should I Ask Someone to Be a Groomsman?
It’s best to ask your groomsmen as soon as possible, ideally after setting the wedding date. This gives them plenty of time to prepare, plan events like the bachelor party, and help with any pre-wedding responsibilities.
4. What Is the Historical Origin of Groomsmen?
The tradition of groomsmen dates back to 1698 when they served as bodyguards during elopements. Today, groomsmen are chosen for their close relationship with the groom and support throughout the wedding.
